Many of us mock people who make New Year’s resolutions to improve their careers, health, finances, or relationships. The reason we’re so cynical about the practice is probably because we’ve tried and failed before—more than once!
So, let’s use some reverse psychology this year as we focus on the quality of our relationships. Guiding us in this process is a book by Pat Love Ed.D. and Sunny Shulkin Ph.D. called, How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship.
This way, when we make our New Year’s resolution to ruin our relationship and fail like most people do with their resolutions, we’ll actually succeed at improving our relationships. Clever, huh?
Love and Shulkin suggest you do these things to “grow apart.” These are the things people do, day after day, that move them toward misery and divorce court:
– Control everything and everyone
– Never take the blame yourself; make your partner wrong
– Make it a habit to spend more money than you have
– Keep score
– Use threats often
– Find your partner’s weak spot and use it against him/her
– When your partner tries to please you, find fault with his/her efforts
– Hold fast to the belief, “If you loved me, you would know what I want”
– Demand your partner remain faithful but refuse to meet his or her sexual needs
– Use silence as a weapon
– When your partner tries to apologize, bring up more complaints
– Never ask for help
– Confide only in friends
– Take it personally when your partner wants time alone
– Discount your partner’s physical complaints
– Never pick up after yourself
– Refuse to seek help for your depression (or other mental health issues)
– Refuse to talk
– Focus on changing your partner
– Focus all your needs on sex
– Put your friends before your partner
– Focus on your partner’s faults and deny your own
– Let days go by without a kind word or loving gesture
– Practice verbal abuse
– Do not listen to your partner’s ideas or suggestions
– Ask your partner to share feelings and when he or she does, EXPLODE
– Start conversations when your partner is busy, or better yet, exhausted
– Let disagreements fester
– Say what you think your partner wants to hear, then do as you please
If you’re the type that doesn’t like being told what to do, perhaps a double-dog-dare-you to do these things will be the trick to achieving the satisfying relationship everyone deserves.
Hey, whatever works!
Stockton is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and owner of Inner Peace Coaching & Counseling located at 4030 Mount Carmel Tobasco Road in Cincinnati. For more information, please call 513.201.5949 or visit: https://www.lindastockton.com.