My parents have shared countless hours of wisdom with me. As teenagers, my brothers and I often ignored our parents since we thought we already knew everything. In reality, we knew nothing. It wasn’t until I became a parent and grandparent before I realized that whenever I visit my parents, they are still the smartest people in the room.
Throughout my life, I have questioned my existence. I once asked my mother why I was even born. What purpose do I serve in this life? She replied, “You are here for other people.” That advice sounded too ridiculous for words. So I am just here to pick up the dinner check? That’s my sole purpose?
So what does it mean to be here for others? I will defer to the Servant Leadership philosophy from Robert Greenleaf. “Caring for persons, the more able and the less able serving each other, is the rock upon which a good society is built.” According to Greenleaf, caring for others should be our foundation for life.
I realize this is also supposed to be the catalyst behind successful corporations, but for my purpose, I will apply this concept to family.
My parents always put my brothers and me first. I can remember my mother always eating last. She ate after my brothers and I finished. She wanted to make sure we had enough to eat before she ate dinner. Looking back, I realize it was her subtle way of showing her love for us.
But the greatest lesson I learned from my parents was not to be concerned about money and other material goods. Mom would say, “Why bother?” You will die one day and everything you worked so hard for will go to someone who won’t appreciate the sacrifices you made.” Money, property, cars, and electronics are replaceable. Relationships? Not so much. Fox News recently published a shocking obituary about a man who was allegedly cruel to his family. The author said the deceased man wouldn’t be missed and his hobbies included killing family pets and torturing his family.
I would never want my children to memorialize me so negatively. When my grandparent passed away, they had many visitors for their showings. It revealed how much they were loved by friends and family. It’s been said that the measure of a man is by the friends and family he kept. My father always said if you cannot name six people willing to be your pallbearer, you lived a sad life.
We get caught up in working, paying bills and just existing. We sometimes forget to appreciate those who are most important to us—our friends and family. In the business world, a successful employee knows how to build relationships. He or she will develop a list of “go-to-people.” So whenever a major issue arises, a successful person can find the right co-worker with an answer. These employees often rise to leadership status. These individuals know relationships mean everything in business.
Family is the same. A successful person will build steel bridges with their children, parents, friends, and grandparents. It’s about love and trust.
Family time is irreplaceable. For instance, I always enjoy spending time with any of my sons when they aren’t busy. I am always honored whenever they feel a need to discuss a serious issue. I usually just listen. Sometimes they want someone who will listen without being critical.
But to have this relationship, it starts with a loved one knowing he or she can come to you when necessary. I have had conversations with my sons about everything and anything. It’s because they know I won’t criticize or judge them.
Although I am not perfect or anywhere in the vicinity, I understand that relationships are key to this life. When you are on your deathbed, you won’t wish you had worked more and made some faceless company richer. You will most likely wish you had spent more time enjoying life with family and friends. It’s never too late. Why not pick up your phone and invite your son, daughter or a friend to lunch?
If the relationship is strained, then ask yourself why. Life is too short for pettiness and misplaced anger. Once someone dies, you have lost an opportunity to make amends with him or her. If they refuse your peace offering, then you have the satisfaction of knowing you tried. Some relationships cannot be mended, but many can be if both parties make a realistic attempt. So who do you value in your life? Do they know? If not, tell them today.
Marc is a grandparent and longtime resident of Clermont County. Visit his author page Life with Grandpa and his blog Wise Grandpa.