Marc Hoover
My wife and I recently watched “Jenny’s Wedding.” The film starred actress Katherine Heigl as Jenny Farrell, a young woman living a secret life. Her family does not understand why she never brings any potential husbands home. Feeling pressured, Jenny tells her parents that she is gay, and wants to marry and start a family with Kitty, her girlfriend.

Instead of supporting their daughter, her parents begin blaming themselves for her sexual preferences, which creates bitterness within Jenny’s family. Before the movie ends, she makes up with her parents and everyone is happy. However, unlike the typical Hollywood film, we know real life does not always have a fairy tale ending.

Many years ago I worked with a gay man named “Tom.” Unfortunately, Tom and Jenny had the same problem. After Tom told his parents he was gay, they told him to leave. His parents loved him until they learned he did not date women. As a parent and grandparent, I fail to understand how Tom’s parents could love him one minute and then dislike him two seconds later. Sadly, this issue probably happens often. My wife and I told our sons that we would support their relationships since it is their personal business.

My father always told me to pick my battles with my sons. He also said to love and accept them without being too critical.

Always remember that you do not own your children. They need to make their own mistakes so they can learn from them. Sometimes it is necessary for parents to let their children fall down, but a parent can always offer to help them up or give them a band aid.

We often forget that we did not always listen to our parents either. As parents, our responsibility is to guide and encourage our children. We teach them how to cope with life, and it is up to them to make their own decisions. Actress Susan Sarandon offered the perfect description of a loving parent. “Your job as a parent is to give your kids not only the instincts and talents to survive, but help them enjoy their lives.” 

Marc is a grandparent and longtime resident of Clermont County. Visit his author page at http://www.lifewithgrandpa.com.