Something I’ve thought about for a long time is that it might be fun to be a cub reporter for the Clermont Sun, like Jimmy Olsen the cub reporter that worked for Perry White at the Daily Planet.
I think I have the skills needed for the job. Just like Jimmy, I’m enthusiastic, and I like to write and take pictures. Come to think of it, the only thing Jimmy had that I don’t is that special wristwatch Superman gave him to use if he got into trouble, which Jimmy did a lot. All Jimmy had to do was press a button on the watch and it would transmit an ultrasonic sound that Superman could hear from anywhere in the world, and in a flash Superman would show up to rescue Jimmy.
I don’t have a Superman watch, but I do have something Jimmy Olsen didn’t have – my trusty backpack which, as regular readers know, I’ve used many times to save myself or others from fearsome critters and life threatening dangers; like the time a few months ago when I used my backpack to save my brother-in-law from a quicksand pit on an alligator infested trail in Florida.
I think I’ll call Bill Latham and ask him about a cub reporter job. For those who may not know, Bill is the retired publisher of the Clermont Sun, and a former photo editor for National Geographic. I kind of look up to Bill the way Jimmy Olsen admired Perry White.
Come to think of it, there are a couple of other things I’m good at that would tie right in with being a cub reporter. I love to eat and I love going to the movies so why not write a food and movie critic’s column? The way I see it, I would get to eat at nice restaurants and go to movies for free, and Bill Latham would pay me handsomely to write “George’s weekly Eats and Peeps” column. For you younger folks, “peeps” is a play on words from the old peep show days. Yep, I need to call Bill.
Speaking of good eats, I have a friend who has offered me a job with her “secret shopper” business, which includes doing customer service reviews for restaurants. All you have to do is sign up to go to nice restaurants where you eat for free, and then write up a little report about how well the service was and whether the food was good. Heck, I can do that. I’ll just have to be careful to not reveal my secret shopper identity in my weekly “Eats and Peeps” column.
Another job option would be to fall back on the work skills I learned earlier in life. If you read the recent column about falling off a ladder and knocking my front teeth out, you can understand why I don’t want to fall back on my skills as a painter. But I know I can still perform the skills I learned on my first job as a boy.
I was 12 and we had moved to town from the Brokaw Road near Butler to Howard Street in Mount Vernon. Mom said it was time for me to take on some responsibilities around the house. I was assigned the task of mowing our grass, as well as Grandma, Granny, and Grandpa’s grass next door. Grandma lived with and took care of her Mom and Dad, my Great Granny and Grandpa. Grandpa could still push his old reel mower but he was glad to have me do it, and so was I because he gave me a quarter each time I mowed.
I soon figured out I could push Grandpa’s reel mower up and down the street and other older folks would pay me a quarter or even 35 or 50 cents to mow their grass. In no time at all I had the blades of that old reel mower singing all over the neighborhood. Over the next two years I added leaf raking, snow shoveling, and garden tilling (little backyard plots with a shovel) to my seasonal lawn care skills and soon had a list of regular customers. I’ll need to find a reel mower if I want to get this business started again.
I heard about another job on TV the other day that I could do. Did you know there is a company that will pay you to just stand in line? Almost all of those people who were waiting in line for seats to watch the Supreme Court hearing about the Obama health care law were paid “line holders.” The problem with being a line holder is I have absolutely no patience for standing in line. I have to be moving, which brings to mind the perfect job for me.
A few years ago I wrote about a fellow named Robert Watts. Robert is the manager of Lilley Cornett Woods, an old-growth forest nature preserve that is owned by Eastern Kentucky University. Lilley Cornett Woods is near the town of Line Fork in Letcher County Kentucky, and you can only hike the trails if Robert or his assistant serves as your guide. Bottom line – for the past 38 years EKU has been paying (yes, I said “paying”) Robert Watts to take people like me for hikes in Lilley Cornett Woods!
Hmmm…I’m wondering if the Clermont County Park District would pay me to take people on hikes at the Jim and Francis Wilson Nature Preserve at Sycamore Park in Batavia. I think I’ll give Park District Director Chris Clingman a call. Right after I call Bill Latham.
George Brown is a freelance writer. He lives in Jackson Township.